Lucy Mae!!!

For those of you who are still following this blog, let me take this opportunity to remind you to throw out your old yellow pages, and please bring in the new pile...while you are at it, please visit yellowpagesoptout.com. This weird thing happens to you when you have a child. It isn't a crescendo, I didn't cry, I didn't throw up. I simply looked in the back seat and saw another person there and thought, "Well, it's going to be different now." It's not good, it's not bad, it's just different and it's fantastic. I find myself spending hours upon hours of sitting on a blanket playing like a little kid, with a little person. I find myself having this kinesthetic energy with my child that allows me to know when then need something...that is a very scientific way of saying every 5-10 minutes she either needs to poop (gets that from her dad), needs attention (gets that from her dad), or needs to eat (also, gets that from her dad). However, there is this weird space that exists between my wife Sara and I that wasn't there before. I recently quit my job, which was a 6 figure one. We recently bought a house, which is a very old one. That said, the space that exists isn't really space at all, what is left is the fact that the person you fell in love with before the baby is forever and will be forever different. Ironically, I'm in love more now than ever. When I watch my wife with my child and the way she is, it's different. It isn't the 3 jack and coke lustful stare I used to get, it's now the I've got breast milk all over the couch and the baby is about to barf...again, please help look. It's a total trip. I look back on past blog posts and laugh. Too much time, no enough substance. These days, I'm starting my own company, raising my own child, changing diapers at a 30 second per diaper clip (that's clothes off, clean butt, to clothes on) which frames me. A year ago, I used to take the dogs on a walk around Escondido where our little casita is, and people would say "cute dogs." Now I load up the Ergo Baby, cruise the dogs on the same walk, and all of a sudden I hear "SuperDad!" My Mom said something to me the other day. She said "I knew you would step-up!" I stepped back and thought about that statement and thought about my options...where else would I go? Step down? Step Away? No chance. For me, as life presents challenges and opportunities you adapt and either engage or disengage those less than desirable or more desirable opportunities. So basically, I didn't know failing was an option. After my fallout with my own father, one of my measuring sticks was how good of an influence could I be. I left my job (quit), started my own business (smart I hope), doing my passion (sounds good on paper), and hoping (in one hand) that it all works out. I look at it like this. If I decided to leave California and drive to New York in the middle of the night I wouldn't be able to see. But I trust the fact that my headlights will run 200 feet in front of me (inner wisdom). If I drive down the road, my goal is that my headlights will run 200Ft, and then 200Ft. more, and before I know it, the sign for New York will be in front of me. That's my view on parenthood. I don't have all the answers, and once I do, I will be a grandparent. So just get going, trust yourself and your passions as long as they are thought out and there is a plan (roadmap). So I'm getting going, I'm an Academy Soccer Coach for Boys Under 12 and Under 13. I do skills clinics to the general population. I will be doing 2-3 weeklong camps per year and have founded a website called Ratemysoccercoach.com. The website isn't profitable yet, but we (me and strategic partners) have business models that pencil on paper. The point being, 5 years ago my life was in control of me. I was reactive. I couldnt' be happier with my new position in life as a family man and stay at home dad/entrepreneur/youth soccer coach. For the first time in a while, I can see the lines and the patterns, and the idea of stepping down doesn't exist. The idea of stepping up seems small and the normal course of action is to keep rolling. I miss you guys, hope all is well on the homefront. All Good Days, Mark