Mark Hires A Landscaper

Without too Much Backstory, here are the bullet points. 1. I buy a house in Escondido because I can afford it and it has a big lot for my dogs to run. 2. The property doesn't have irrigation. 3. The dogs tear up the grass and leave no less than the Mojave Desert in their wake. 4. Dirt outside equates to dirt inside, which equates to Sara yelling at me. Everything is my fault afterall. 5. I hire an irrigation expert to install a system. 6. $1800 later we have an irrigation system to water dirt. 7. Simultaneously, Gopher moves in, begins his own aeration process. Sara tells me to kill him. But then changes her mind when she sees him sunbathing outside, not I'm just supposed to trap him and move him to a canyon. I tell her that he will be going to a place with plenty of canyons, he will even likely be wearing a white robe. It's going to be great. 8. Mark Plants Grass Seed. Waters Frequently. 9. Weeds Grow. Lots of them. 8 Trash cans full. 10. Mark Calls landscaper back, tells him he has grass, it's time to cut the grass on a regular schedule. 11. Landscaper laughs. Says he was by my house last week, he saw the weeds. 12. Mark says nothing, holds steadfast that beneath the underbrush there is grass. Landscaper still laughs. 13. Landscaper comes to mow the yard. 14. Landscaper must weed whack the entire yard by hand before getting his mower on it. 15. 2 Hours Later, beneath the underbrush, grass appears. 16. Now the dogs can go in the back in the grass area in the morning, then have to track through some dirt en route to house, leaving mud by the back door. And eventually inside the house. 17. Now Mark realizes that he has to invest in some pavers for the patio area to nix out the dirt confine during the grass growing stage that the dogs tore up. 18. Landscaper tells me the cost is going to be in the 5 digit range. 19. Mark Prays for good tax return. 20. Gopher is in great health and seems to be enjoying his new mangrove. To be continued.